Being transparent and open
Premise
The idea for this post is thanks to Miranda. She has the same opinion as me on these things i need to quote the first 2 paragraphs of her post, because i doubt i can write them better:
I don’t like social games. Or more specifically, I like them if they are really games, e.g. things we do willingly and deliberately, for the purpose of having fun or living some other experience, with well defined boundaries and context, and with nothing more at stake than the game itself. Roleplaying games is an activity I love and that is really important to me, and I enjoy playing devious, manipulative, cunning or mysterious characters. But I enjoy it because it’s a game, I have no interest in being like that in real life, because real life is not a game. We only have one life, we are not fully in control of how we live it, and there are no boundaries. Decisions can have consequences, sometimes drastic and unexpected ones, on both our and others’ lives. Everything matters.
Besides, I only have one life too, and as I’ve been painfully aware for a few years, it will not last forever. I often feel like I’m running out of time, or at least that I’ve already wasted enough time. I’ve suffered and taken bad decisions, hurt myself and other people, dedicated insane amount of time and energy to fruitless and joyless activities, and spent years passing by whole aspects of my life (and overfocusing on the precious few that could bring me some satisfaction), mostly because I did not understand who I am, how I work, and what I desired. I think the previous sentence is something a lot of people can relate to, but I maybe experience it in an extreme way - and yes of course it’s about transition. I’m 38 and I’m feeling a whole new world opening to me. The way I consider myself, and the way I relate to others, is transformed. My emotions, light or dark, as running wilder than ever. I’m feeling like I have everything to discover, everything to do, and yet I’m about twenty years late.
I mean .. i am 40 instead of 38 - but the rest is so on point. I’m also done with playing games. I struggled for the better part of my life (basically since i could think) and struggled with mental health issues for the last 25 years. That’s enough. That is time i will never get back. This also means that there so many experiences (good and bad) that i never made. I will never know how it is like to be a student at school or university in my correct gender. That’s why i decided, that the second half of my life i will make the rules.
My current self
I enjoy myself very much currently. I am poly, as most of my friends are. I embrace sex-positivity and are not ashamed of what i do and how much joy it brings me; and i am open about that and share it with the world - even on social media.
If you don’t want to see that - just don’t look for it. Those things always have a proper content-warning (CW) and every platform or client you use can filter those posts out. But for my part, I am done hiding. It has never lead to anything good for me and was only used to exert pressure or power over me1. Try to shame or blackmail me with it and i share my public accounts with your colleagues and tell them what you watch in your free time.
1 Other Example, but similar: At my old job my direct boss told me, that it might not be a good idea to talk our wages with each other - as we all haggled individually in the yearly ‘employee-talk’. Fuck this shit.
I am also a relationship anarchist. Things are just, what they are. If we do platonic bondage without any sexual intent or drive through half of Europe for a weekend of kinky sex - the dynamics of a single relationship are foremost only relevant to the two people within the relationship. And i very much enjoy it this way. Nothing is forced, everything can happen, but nothing HAS to happen. Of course this does not mean, that my partners don’t have a say in anything and i do only what i want - communication is the key here.
All this also permeates through all my friendships. As said previously many of my friends are poly and also sex-positive. So also i fuck with them quite regularly and even have no problem sharing pictures of this on the web (with their permission) as well. So, where does friendship end and partnership begins? You tell me. I have no idea. Besides: Having sex with a good friend is way better than one-night-stands with strangers imo.
About Sexwork
Another big thing that follows from this is, that i will also try to get into actual sexwork on the side. Not in the immediate future because i still need to get some things in order (like getting PrEP approved), investigate how, when and where things are done for how much and if it is worth my time - and most importantly: get to know the scene beforehand to not be exploited or worse by some customers that professionals would quickly filter out2.
2 This is actually currently my main concern. If there are people out there that get turned down by other sexworkers for $reasons and i don’t know how to spot those things i run a higher risk of meeting them as they will specialize on preying on the people new into the business
3 I mean, i am sure i am already on some lists. And more of those are even planned by the government - so what harm does one more?
Also in Germany this means registering a business for that purpose, doing proper paperwork, etc. pp. And also land on a handful of lists that can easily get me killed if Nazis come back in power3.
Final remarks
No, this whole post is not an invitation to just hit on me, when we never interacted in at least a semi-personal way. Additionally depending on the context (i.e. if we only interact work-related or have some kind of hierarchical relationship (mentor-student, boss-employee, ..)) conversations about my activities not related to the current topic at hand will not happen. So don’t even think about asking lewd related stuff in a non-private or at least semi-private setting.